Dubai Is an Awesome Place! But..

...Never go to malls here!

I say that because I feel nauseated everytime I do.

Malls in this country, especially the ones near my place, are full of the people I LOVINGLY refer to as "Glam-entors" (from the words glamorous & Dementors from HarryPot) and "Baked Carrots."

The Glamentors are basically those rich arab women that wears the abaya. The Glam part is they wear the traditional muslim dress ON TOP of designer clothes! HA! WHAT a waste, I say! (Yeah fashion designers would be glad to see their creations under a blanket-y black curtain of a dress)

These superficial women (most of them) are always equipped with their oversized designer bags, which they let dangle on their extended arms, while walking in a very haughty way.

They are very well known for their angry death stares (an expression that they have on their faces most of the time) (Maybe they forgot their afternoon prayer, 'cause they look angry) and can always be seen in a pack with other glamentor BFFs. High end stores are their kitchens.

Then now we move on to the bake carrots. I only dislike them for one reason. They make me PUKE.

These people are the rich euro (Russians... are included minus the rich part) "housewives" who's daily obligations are to sunbathe, get a fake tan on top of their tan and afterwards FREAKING DISPLAY themselves for the general public to see! When did looking like a charred carrot become a fashionable look? The result makes them look like adulterous slags. I see freaking Posh Spice wannabes everywhere! and I'm not happy about it!

I'm all racist towards orange people.. URGh. If they only knew how many desperate asians would die for their pasty skin. (Peace asians! :P) THEN maybe, just maybe they would stop doing such a gross ritual.

So there you have it. Now I am left to shop at road side stores. Not complaining here, at least I'm Far away from such Monstrosities. If my eyes are happy, I'm happy! :)

Till then, I'm gonna catch some sun! (HA!)

Confucius' Long Lost Philosopy #2

Master said "Add yellow to white and you get opulent result"

Translation: Rich asians = White people's partners

"Yoko Ono."

*That's it, this old racist chink lunatic is going to get it!*

How Black African People Survive.

Let me just start this post by saying I was inspired by my blogger friends' racial posts. (apparently, this kind of posts is a big traffic magnet)

So I chose the african people to target. I imagined all these crazy things in my head that keeps them alive, atleast in my head.

So without further ado. My first racist POST (Ha!)

1) A Black man can still provide shelter for his family,
with his BONER. Instant tent for the whole lot.

2) That also means HIS wife doesn't go hungry. hmmmm.. Protein.

3) (Fact) Watermelons originated in Africa.(End of fact) That's why they survive, enough said.

4) It's true. They are all olympic runners.
If not, how the hell will they survive all those lions?

5) If single men needs to "release tension," they don't need to pay for prostitutes.
They have monkeys.

6)No roads, means no cars, means no run-overs, means NO dead people.

7) They don't get crazy lunatic immigrants like that asian dude from the virginia tech. debacle.
I mean who would really want to migrate there anyways.

(Oops, is it too early to make a joke about that? GET OVER IT)

8)They await their next human sacrifice for their Gods. But that also means their next meal. Never waste any (possible) food, as we all say.

9) They don't have rappers there. Hence, no shootings and gang wars.


With all these said reasons. A lot of people still think they are helpless and vulnerable. I say BULL! Some people are just too helpful for their own good.

So that's why we now come to the last reason.

10) They FREAKING get help from organizations from around the globe!

As if they are not doing well on their own already.

****

Do you think I forgot other ways in which the african people survive?

Do tell me through comments? WAAAATTTEEEERMELON!

Till then.

Confucius' Long Lost Philosopy

The Master said: " Ones with punier eyes are the ones who wield shorter sword."

Translation: chinkier eyes = smaller weener

I just shot my self on the foot. Genius..

How to Be Emo, Effectively.

Here's MY guideline to be EMO successfully.

1) Never have Lady Gaga in your music collection. Stick to MCR and their teenage propaganda bull songs.

NO matter how catchy that bitch's tunes are, stand you ground. Resist her sexy po-po-po-poker FACE.

2) DOn't be Russian.

You will be too blonde for your own good.

3) A compass and a blade should be your best friends.

IF you don't get along with them, and think they are too HURTFUL. Get a red pen.

4) Never chat with people..

unless the topic is about death, loneliness or that drag queen guy from TOKIO HOTEL.

5) Always say "No one understands me!" when people argue with you.

After you say that, walk out of the room and cry.

6) BOMBARD the interweb with black-clothed and "guy liner-ed" pictures of yourself.

Don't forget your signature POUT in all those photos. POUT more!

7) Eat less often.

Nothing says you want to DIE more than visible bones right?

8) THe more eyes you cover, the better.

No self-respecting emo person will let others see through the windows of his soul.

9) Be Gay!

No, NOT happy ofcourse! We are talking girl jeans and make up.

and Lastly

10) Write a better self-destructive and angry poem than this:

"I never thought life would be,
so much pain and misery.
I just dont believe in anybody
anymore .
Why should my deepest aim
just go in vain.
Whenever I see you,
whenever I feel you.
My heart goes tearing apart
as if satan plays his gothic art
to ever and after love you more than anyone I've ever known"

by I'm-So-EuropeAnonymous.

(MY emo-wannabe FRIEND will kill me now XD)

Follow these rules and you will lead a prosperous LONELY life :)

Till then.

P.S. - Do cuts vertically rather than horizontally. It's more lethal! WORD.