Dubai Is an Awesome Place! But..

...Never go to malls here!

I say that because I feel nauseated everytime I do.

Malls in this country, especially the ones near my place, are full of the people I LOVINGLY refer to as "Glam-entors" (from the words glamorous & Dementors from HarryPot) and "Baked Carrots."

The Glamentors are basically those rich arab women that wears the abaya. The Glam part is they wear the traditional muslim dress ON TOP of designer clothes! HA! WHAT a waste, I say! (Yeah fashion designers would be glad to see their creations under a blanket-y black curtain of a dress)

These superficial women (most of them) are always equipped with their oversized designer bags, which they let dangle on their extended arms, while walking in a very haughty way.

They are very well known for their angry death stares (an expression that they have on their faces most of the time) (Maybe they forgot their afternoon prayer, 'cause they look angry) and can always be seen in a pack with other glamentor BFFs. High end stores are their kitchens.

Then now we move on to the bake carrots. I only dislike them for one reason. They make me PUKE.

These people are the rich euro (Russians... are included minus the rich part) "housewives" who's daily obligations are to sunbathe, get a fake tan on top of their tan and afterwards FREAKING DISPLAY themselves for the general public to see! When did looking like a charred carrot become a fashionable look? The result makes them look like adulterous slags. I see freaking Posh Spice wannabes everywhere! and I'm not happy about it!

I'm all racist towards orange people.. URGh. If they only knew how many desperate asians would die for their pasty skin. (Peace asians! :P) THEN maybe, just maybe they would stop doing such a gross ritual.

So there you have it. Now I am left to shop at road side stores. Not complaining here, at least I'm Far away from such Monstrosities. If my eyes are happy, I'm happy! :)

Till then, I'm gonna catch some sun! (HA!)

Silly Surreal Sarcasm of the Day.

"I am going to hit the gym soon."

Right..Who am I kidding?? Apparently, not even myself. Ha!

Me being physically present in a gym is like waiting for a pig to go anorexic. Barf.

So freaking impossible!

Till then, I have to finish my 5th pushup. Wish me luck!

Have Some Fun!

Sometimes, don't you just get fed up of all the things that you HAVE to do? SO sick, that you just want to, well, have freakin' fun. You know, just chill and do random stuff.

Whether, it's your job or school work that sucks the life out of you, it's so important to go out there, once in awhile and JUST get your head out of everything. I know, I do... ALOT.

Well, okay. I overdo it actually. I admit! All the zombie killing-sprees that I have been doing on Left4Dead is taking a toll on my poor poor eyes. I'll probably go blind when I hit my late 30s.

Anyways, the point of this lame entry is that, I just wanted to share a video to you guys. It epitomises what I just said. F-U-N! Plus the music is just class too!

I just can't freaking resist black and white clips!


(Thanks to Nanie for the link!)

I just noticed that I use "just" alot. You think it's just okay? Well I can JUSTify myself if you argue!

Do tell me if you like the epic vid!

Till then! I'm off to have some fun. ;)

Confucius' Long Lost Philosopy #2

Master said "Add yellow to white and you get opulent result"

Translation: Rich asians = White people's partners

"Yoko Ono."

*That's it, this old racist chink lunatic is going to get it!*

Why the Hell Would He Die Like This?!

Death is inevitable. Unavoidable. That's why I have always given thought to my own.
In my imagination, I would be sitting on a chair.

Lifeless. Naked. My "family jewels" exposed and..
an adult magazine at the side. Preferably Hustler. - It's classier.

That's how I envisioned my future loser-ific virginal death would be. Very tame, yeah?

What I don't understand though is, why can't celebrities just freaking die simple boring deaths like normal people do?

By now, I know all of you have heard about Michael Jackson's passing away.

First of all let me just say, bless his black/white soul. May he rest in peace and not be disturbed by the endless THRILLER songs that will be played in the upcoming days. Or else, he just MIGHT do a real thriller upon us.

Damn, I hope not. *shivers* Dancing zombies are NOT my thing.

Early claims on his death said he died of cardiac arrest. Tragic, but not uncommon, so it's pretty understandable. Here's where his celebrity status comes in to play. Now, new speculations are surfacing that there might be drug-overdosing involved and that someone manipulated him into doing so.

See what I mean. It's like a freaking movie scene! If that would have been a normal person would they think he has been subjected to foul-play aswell?

It is always like, who drugged who? Who shot who? Who Piped who? Their deaths become like a real life game of Cluedo!

"I suggest it was Mrs. White, in Michael's bedroom, with the bag of cocaine" (Ha!)
(People who haven't played Clue/Cluedo won't get this. I suggest you click the link)

But come to think of it, HE is FREAKING MJ man! RESPECT dawg. (oh wait.. he's not a rapper.) I guess it's just reasonable to double check. So if there is foul-play involved, we can "BEAT IT". uhmm, The suspect I mean!

I just hope this whole ordeal will just end soon. Not just for my sake (So I can finally hear non-mj news) but for Michael's family aswell. So they can mourn in peace already.

So I guess this is it. MY Tribute to the King of Pop! RIP!

Till then, I am downloading a Jackson 5 album.

How to Not Play Tennis.

Today, I woke up at 2 p.m.
I did my usual daily on-line routine. That is, to check facebook, subscriptions in youtube and so on. Typical bored teenager stuff.

What I failed to remember was I had freaking tennis class at 4. By the time I realized it, it was already 3 30. To make matters worse, I noticed that I haven't eaten anything yet. JUST GREAT. I thought I could pull it through up until the end of the class. Damn was I wrong.

I felt like I was going to faint just after the first set. I was hyperventilating aggressively but It doesn't mean my performance was affected though.
I still suck, just as usual. I was beaten by a 12 year old.. again. It does wonders for my EGO.

After all was swung and smashed, I decided to finally have my breakfast-dinner for the day. Went to McDonalds and grabbed a McArabia. A burger-type thing that tastes like soup. Hmmm YUM. I was devouring my food happily, when I saw this plump Arab man sleeping at the table in front of me. No he wasn't a vagrant but he did look real wasted and creepy.

I thought to myself, how classy can this guy be. I only wish to sleep in a restaurant as carefree as he did. In my mind, I LOLed. Because though I always lose to a kid in tennis, I'm not the only loser around. I got Mr. I-sleep-at-fastfood-chains to make me feel like a winner.

He made my day. I went home a cool guy :)

Till then. I have to shower now, I smell very Russian.
Pee-you!

MY Music Obsession of the Week.

Her name is Sia Furler. An Australian singer.

AND yes she looks bonkers. That's why I like her.

She probably likes eggs and bacon for her afternoon snack too.

Well, the other day I was at the town mall. I was looking around at the record shop and happened to stuble upon her bat-shit crazy cover art.

My "retard senses" tingled violently. I didn't know if her music would be worthwhile, but looking as nutty as that, I couldn't resist..

So BEING the pirate that I am, I went home, online and borrowed her album. (Yes, I like to put it that way) I gave her record a spin and then let's just say I almost forgot what ensued next. It gave me multiple eargasms! Ahhhhh!.... Her voice was like a dream. Swwwooosh.

It ended. Then I was awake again. A happy conscious guy, I was. What I hated though was having to clean up my moist ears afterwards. Clean up is such a bitch.

Therefore here's my conclusion, sometimes people should cut nutty-looking people (including me) some slack. Even that hobo you see around town. Befriend the guy! He just might be a singer with a smashing record you know..

but uhm, do be careful (Ha!)

Till then. I have to cook chicken franks now.

P.S. - Day Too Soon is my favorite track. Lalalala..

I Would Rather Be Called Ugly!

That's right. And I'm not just saying that for the sake of saying it. I FREAKING MEAN it.

I'll cut to the chase and be straightforward. I AM SICK OF BEING CALLED CUTE!!

At first, when a particular girl says that I'm cute, that's alright. I mean, that's VERY good. It means she's interested in one way or another. But then if she calls ME adorable EVERY single time, that's just a major catastrophe.

I mean c'mon girls, get a clue. I'm trying to be all hunky and sexy(HA! as if that's possible) when I'm around you lot and you go blurt out "OMG, You are just the cutest!! YOU WANT A HUG!!?"

No, thank you very much. I want your panties. No "LOL's" here. I WANT THEM. Hand them over, now.

Cuteness can only get you so far, but the end of the day, don't we all want to get laid? (OH cmon! you there, stop saying "ewww!" Hypocrite)

Teddy bears are cute. Kittens are cute. That old woman from around my neighborhood is cute(with her dentures on). I don't see them getting action, but they are cute, aren't they? See what I mean.

God, now I'm just worrying if I can pass on my LOVELY genes in the future. If this "cuteness" curse continues, I am DOOMED.

So please, just tell me I'm UGLY ..

but call me, okay? * sexy wink*

****

DO you hate something that a bunch of people call you all the time? Would you rather be called UGLY than that word? If so SHARE IT with me through the comments! :D

Till then, UGLY!

How Black African People Survive.

Let me just start this post by saying I was inspired by my blogger friends' racial posts. (apparently, this kind of posts is a big traffic magnet)

So I chose the african people to target. I imagined all these crazy things in my head that keeps them alive, atleast in my head.

So without further ado. My first racist POST (Ha!)

1) A Black man can still provide shelter for his family,
with his BONER. Instant tent for the whole lot.

2) That also means HIS wife doesn't go hungry. hmmmm.. Protein.

3) (Fact) Watermelons originated in Africa.(End of fact) That's why they survive, enough said.

4) It's true. They are all olympic runners.
If not, how the hell will they survive all those lions?

5) If single men needs to "release tension," they don't need to pay for prostitutes.
They have monkeys.

6)No roads, means no cars, means no run-overs, means NO dead people.

7) They don't get crazy lunatic immigrants like that asian dude from the virginia tech. debacle.
I mean who would really want to migrate there anyways.

(Oops, is it too early to make a joke about that? GET OVER IT)

8)They await their next human sacrifice for their Gods. But that also means their next meal. Never waste any (possible) food, as we all say.

9) They don't have rappers there. Hence, no shootings and gang wars.


With all these said reasons. A lot of people still think they are helpless and vulnerable. I say BULL! Some people are just too helpful for their own good.

So that's why we now come to the last reason.

10) They FREAKING get help from organizations from around the globe!

As if they are not doing well on their own already.

****

Do you think I forgot other ways in which the african people survive?

Do tell me through comments? WAAAATTTEEEERMELON!

Till then.

I'm Officially Here! (Revamped!)

HOORAH! Just finished the new design of my blog! :D

What do you think?! Isn't it fancy? Don't you just love eggs?! I did hours and hours of hard work for this, so you better find it good!

The reason for the change is primarily because the previous template didn't really reflect accurately what my blog was all about.

But most importantly, this change symbolises the definite presence of my blog for the long run!

I had to feel around and finally got the flow of things and blogging and I'm ecstatic to say I'm here to stay! That just means that I will make better posts from hereinafter. Hopefully that is!

As long as you guys will keep coming back, I will do just that!

Till then! HAPPY FACE!

Confucius' Long Lost Philosopy

The Master said: " Ones with punier eyes are the ones who wield shorter sword."

Translation: chinkier eyes = smaller weener

I just shot my self on the foot. Genius..

How to Be Emo, Effectively.

Here's MY guideline to be EMO successfully.

1) Never have Lady Gaga in your music collection. Stick to MCR and their teenage propaganda bull songs.

NO matter how catchy that bitch's tunes are, stand you ground. Resist her sexy po-po-po-poker FACE.

2) DOn't be Russian.

You will be too blonde for your own good.

3) A compass and a blade should be your best friends.

IF you don't get along with them, and think they are too HURTFUL. Get a red pen.

4) Never chat with people..

unless the topic is about death, loneliness or that drag queen guy from TOKIO HOTEL.

5) Always say "No one understands me!" when people argue with you.

After you say that, walk out of the room and cry.

6) BOMBARD the interweb with black-clothed and "guy liner-ed" pictures of yourself.

Don't forget your signature POUT in all those photos. POUT more!

7) Eat less often.

Nothing says you want to DIE more than visible bones right?

8) THe more eyes you cover, the better.

No self-respecting emo person will let others see through the windows of his soul.

9) Be Gay!

No, NOT happy ofcourse! We are talking girl jeans and make up.

and Lastly

10) Write a better self-destructive and angry poem than this:

"I never thought life would be,
so much pain and misery.
I just dont believe in anybody
anymore .
Why should my deepest aim
just go in vain.
Whenever I see you,
whenever I feel you.
My heart goes tearing apart
as if satan plays his gothic art
to ever and after love you more than anyone I've ever known"

by I'm-So-EuropeAnonymous.

(MY emo-wannabe FRIEND will kill me now XD)

Follow these rules and you will lead a prosperous LONELY life :)

Till then.

P.S. - Do cuts vertically rather than horizontally. It's more lethal! WORD.

You Are (not) Here, That's Why I Love You!

Today, I got out of my bed in a bad mood. Even worse than usual.

I must have woken up at the effin f-ed up side of the bed because I'm freaking murdering my keyboard right now. ( I know I'll be sorry for this soon enough.)

It must have been the thing that I was giving thought to before I slept last night..

Hmm.. Meh. I didn't sleep that early. It must have been nearly dawn when I got to shut my eyes to snooze.

The thing is I got one of those stupid epiphanies that you know you are better off not realizing. (Like when I look at the mirror, and see a geekasaurus... I cry)

I reflected on it and found out something.

My mum loves me..
out of her sight! *black girl finger snaps*

I'll demonstrate it.

*Cue Avril Lavigne songs!*

You see, my mother doesn't talk to me when I'm at home. Well she doesn't seem to talk to me that much wherever we are actually.

Oh god.. I don't want to cry now..
(I hope you detected the sarcasm.)

I tried to recount all the times, she said "I love you" to me in my whole lifetime and that took me about half a minute.

It dawned on me, that my mum mostly said those three words to me, through the FREAKing phone.

And when I say she said "I love you", by that I mean she mumbled.. "lvyou.."

Go figure... She had sore throat.

Let us move on to another case of the same circumstances. This time though it's about lovers.

In my case, a past lover. (pshh I don't miss her!... uhm, yeah.)

She appeared cold to me when we used to get together. Basically, just when I'm in plain sight really.
(It is safe to say that nothing happened between us. Though I wished th.. Nevermind.)

Chats and Texts with her is a different story though. She was the best! She compliments and flatters me the whole time. Just like me sucking up to my (beautiful.. *barf*) math teacher, as the final exams were fast approaching.

I don't know but maybe SHE was just a freak. It's totally not ME, it was her. *sigh* I totally make bad choices with girls sometimes.

Well she had nice eyes though. Too bad..

I wonder, is it just me or do you relate on this bizarre matter aswell?

I mean, why would other people make their love for us known when we are freaking not around them?

Is it stupidity, shame or what?

If it is shame, then, I understand my mum now.
Yeah, just have me as a son.. See if you won't be humiliated.

Love has just too much complications. It freaking pisses me off.

THANK GOODNESS for hate then! It's so much more flexible and easy, yeah?

People hate on people face to face, usually. It's true! I get random people bitching on my 8 year old face everytime.

And as for distant hating, just ask your backstabbing bitter "friend." He will tell you all about loathing.. coward style!

So that is what's on my mind recently.
Don't dwell on it too hard, I say.

You can never take an angry famished guy too seriously.

Till then,
I'm off to the bank.

Depressing Happy Places!

A huge counteraction of a phrase.. but as they say, shit happens.

SO do living contradictions. Such a tragedy, yeah?

Just ask a friend of mine.

He said, he is a very carefree person. Take note, carefree, like birds (with the exception of chickens, they have alot to worry about). Not a worry in the world. But he quickly follows the statement by saying, he always WEIGH things out..

Oooh That MADE a lot of sense! Bravo!

Yep, I got Russians for friends.

The thing that takes the cake though, the number one self-opposing word in the world would be... *drum roll*

MILFs

Yes, you read that right. (All prude goody two-shoes should SUCK it up now.)

I don't care if your mom has freaking brazilian legs for limbs, the freaking himalayas for a chest or my entire supply of marshmallow in her trunk.. She can never be hot!

Come on. Mothers should never make anyone horny! Aside from your bald father.

Sorry to break a lot of guys' dreams but all those self-proclaimed M I L F's in the videos they have been watching recently.. they are just lonely old hags. Yes, they never had kids, they just look like they have a dozen. HA! With all the nasty ******* they have been *insert alternative soda-drinking verb here*, ofcourse!

Hmm.. I wandered too far away from my title now. *sigh* GEnius!

I'll make this quick now.

You know those freaking arcades filled with third-world video machines? Freakin' ate em!

I know they were made to spark joy in the hearts of the jobless boys of the past, but seriously, my grandpa is long dead.

They are just depressing now, too outdated to make anyone smile. I think.

So yeah, that's just what I was gonna talk about originally. Good thing that MILF topic came up.

Ofcourse, I'm not exactly overflowing with ideas here. That just doesn't happen to me.

You should know why. I woke up at noon today.

And right, I didn't have...

again.

*ended the blog while listening to "Venus As a Boy" - Bjork, freaking coincidence much..*

I Eat Cereals for Lunch.

I really do. I simply don't do breakfast.

Missing breakfast, for me, is totally like having breakfast for other normal people.

No, I'm not saying I'm not normal (Well this can be questionable at times..) and yes, other people might find it weird. Though I surely don't.

You clearly don't have a choice when you have to be ready for school when the bus picks you up at an ungodly hour. We are talking as early as 6 a.m. here buddy. Top that.

Summers? hmmmm..

You know it. I even miss lunch sometimes.

With that said, it is safe to say..

I'm a twink.

Scrawnier than a pre-pubescent 12 year old. (Ha! You should have seen me when I was 12. It looked like I was born yesterday)

That's not the only consequence that comes with my adapted habit though.

I feel dumber.

Yes, i feel stupid. Not able to reach my full intellectual capacity.

Thank God I do though because this one actually helps!

You see not all consequences are bad. Right?

Look, it is a fact(ha!) people who chow down on their morning meals act smarter and say more factual things. (Most of the time okay.. excluding inbreds and lunes ofcourse)

At the same time, they are more disagreeable.

Why you ask? Simple!

They have more energy to disagree with you and correct your every mistake. Ergo, these people are more aware of themselves and the situations that are happening that they tend to be more uptight and prim. Complete tragic a-holes, those early munchers are. (Yes, teachers always have heavy breakfasts)

We, on the other hand, are so f-ing out of it and emaciated, we shit talk through out the day. Random vapid conversation is our specialty and apparently that is attractive. Well at least, at the area I'm living at right now. People dig you for chanting non-sense! Heck yeah!

I can go like .."Can I touch your hair? I'll give you a coookkiiiiee!.. WHORE!" and I'll get a reply going.. "OMG! You are so cute! Go on, touch it!"

uhmm.. Okay so it's not really that scary crazy but we do something close to that here. Yes, word!

So I say, drop that spoon next time. If you are ready to please or decided to finally gain some friends.

A-holes and nerds keep eating.

.......

DAMN! Where are my manners?! This is my first post. I didn't mean to blab that long without an introduction.

Well, atleast now you know what to expect from future posts at this blog.

Class subjects to stimulate your brain. (HA! right!)

But I didn't eat breakfast, so don't take my words for it.

Till then.